Leaving for Uganda

When I booked my trip to Uganda, it seemed like it was in the distant future. Suddenly, the trip was upon me. And yesterday, I departed.

Before leaving my folk's house, the girls were still quite cheery.

I was a bit fidgety all day. I was anxious to get going, but reluctant to leave. The closer we got to the airport, the more the excitement and nervousness of leaving worked themselves into a frenzied panic, leaving my stomach to do summersaults with my heart. On the way to the airport, Jordan and Marley were acting goofy in the back of the Volvo, alternating between reading Archie comics and bugging my Dad, who intermittently dozed in front of them. Evelyn was sound asleep, as was my Mom – at least for part of the drive. But, I knew that I was likely in for some waterworks at the airport.

Over the past few days, Jordan has expressed her desire that I not go on this trip. She is worried for my safety. She’s had some foreboding feelings about my continued existence, particularly if I encounter a volcano. But, in addition to this sense of doom, she is also aware that on this trip I am the furthest away from her that I’ve ever been, and for the longest period of time. Evelyn and Marley are not unaware, but they seemed to be more concerned about riding the escalator at the airport than driving wedges into my heart with crocodile tears. Jordan’s mature 7 years has left her feeling the gravity of this trip. Indeed, her worry is so great that prior to my departure, she purchased me a guardian angel birthstone to keep me safe.

At Pearson International, and Jordan is a little less cheery.

While Leia and I have used this trip as an opportunity to teach Jordan some valuable lessons – for example, that there are some things in life where she will have a choice, but other times when she will have none, and that my going to Uganda was an instance of the latter – I found it tough to try to convince her that she shouldn’t be sad about my departure. After all, I’m also aware of how far away I will be, and for how long. I’m also acutely aware that, given my extremely safe existence, this is one of the gravest risks I’ve ever taken.

When I went whitewater canoeing for the first time with Rob and Tim, my heart pounded out of my chest. Everything I’ve ever learned about rivers told me to not purposefully go through the rapids. However, with some coaxing, lots of scouting, and a bit of “I’ll-never-live-it-down-if-I-don’t” attitude, I simply went for it. Whitewater still terrifies me at times, but I know how to prepare for it.

I don’t think I know how to prepare for this kind of trip. I mean, I’ve done all the basic things (well, most of them!). I have malaria pills, although remembering to take them will likely be an ongoing challenge. I got vaccinated for Typhoid, Yellow Fever, and Hep-A. I could have gotten more, but time didn’t allow it – that, and I’m not super worried. I packed lots of medicines, including allergy pills. I’ve tried to go through a mental list of all that I need to do, but I don’t know what items should even be on that list.

I know that it is not all that risky – and yet, I know it is. Leia and I have told Jordan that Isaac and Erica have been in Uganda for months now without incident. Our neighbour lived in Uganda for five months. I have a friend that regularly travels in Uganda (and across Africa). Nevertheless, there a parasites, poor infrastructure, lions, and civil unrest, to name a few of risks. And, so Jordo tells me, volcanoes!

And there is the stark reality that I am very, very far away from my most favourite people. Should something happen, and I need to get home, I’m two-days away. If a volcano in Iceland erupts, I’m stuck across an ocean.

It is unlikely that anything will happen, but the past few weeks I found myself purposefully taking time to spend with my girls, especially as I was busy writing in the evenings.

Comforting Jordan.

When I was talking to Jordan about her fears, I told her that we were lucky that we get to spend so much time together. I work from home – I see my girls all the time. I’m very lucky to be able to be such a big part of their lives and pursue my dream job – many friends of mine have made significant sacrifices for their families, or have given up on their dreams to be a more stable presence in their kid’s lives. I respect those friends for those decisions. As I spend so much time with my girls, this trip will be bittersweet. Today, as I walked the streets of Amsterdam, I wished Leia was with me, that I could show the girls an old European city, that we could all sample the cheese in the cheese shops together. I wish they could have kept me company on the flight, bugging me incessantly for gum.

All in due time, I suppose. One day, I know I’ll take these kinds of trips with my girls. For the time being, I’m alone, and my goal is to stay awake.